ADMINISTRATING DREAMS....

To make my own ends meet during my adult life I have (for the most part) been an administrative assistant. In this capacity you are literally assisting others in the pursuit of their goals and dreams.

I lay awake at night thinking about why this has been the path that I have chosen thus far and why I am reluctant to administrate my own dreams!

Of course, the answer is fear.

Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of making a wrong choice, and a healthy dose of fear of not being able to pay the bills.

Because of fear I have put any dream I have had on a shelf or I have engaged in a half-assed pursuit and then abandoned the idea before reaping an sort of reward.

Even now I sit in fear of simply doing this blog because putting this on the Internet for anyone read... (not that anyone will LOL) makes me vulnerable to criticism, which if you know anything about me, you know I can't take very well!  I go through a list in my head of how it could back fire, how somehow I could get in trouble(!?) for doing it, and how long it will be before this too lands in the graveyard of my dreams.

Damn, it pisses me off that I have been programmed to shut myself down - to stifle my own quest for a triumphant life. Oh, but I'll sure as hell sign up to carry out the heart's desire of someone else.

I have even gone so far as to justify it by saying "maybe that is why I'm here, maybe helping other's realize their dreams is God's Plan for me...." UM NO! While this may be a noble journey and  part of the path, every cell in my being knows this is not IT... there's more, there has to be.

Okay now pick something and stick to it right? Shit, I'm scared!!!

Despite that fear I have made a choice not to give up and so I find inspiration....